whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
