maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
