My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
