but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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