I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
