No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
