did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
