Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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