You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
