sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
