Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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