I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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