No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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