im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
