The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
