He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
