my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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