Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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