Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is Oprah even human
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
