Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
