You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
