i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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