Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
