shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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