I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
