Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
