If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
