I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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