Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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