i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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