im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
