you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
