Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
