I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
