i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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