he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
