do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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