i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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