Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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