Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
