I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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