Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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