Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize