her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
