Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
