I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
