I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
