I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
