Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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