Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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