i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
