youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
