A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
