you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
