I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
