the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
