TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
