So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
