so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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