my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
