____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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