Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
