Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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