If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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