Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
