White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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