u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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