i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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