there's paper in my vomit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
