why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
