just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize