PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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