i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
