You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
