Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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