You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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