Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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