If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
