I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
