When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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