It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
