New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
